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Around 4 A.M., I awoke with this loud dream:

It was 1429, a sun-filled afternoon in the town square at Orleans, France, resounding with jubilant hoots of victory. The French army, under the command of Joan of Arc, had just defeated the British and restored the Dauphin to his rightful place on the throne. She looked stunning, armored, and astride her white horse, her victory more of God’s work than her own.

The deafening noise of the dream hurt so much that I scrambled awake to the quiet of my bedroom where I sat up and caught my bearings. In 1977, I had spent an afternoon in the Old City, at Orleans, France, marveled at the equestrian statue of the Maid of Orleans, but it had little resemblance to the dream’s image.

The Joan of Arc in my psyche heartens me—yet another spirit guide to lead me through the pitfalls of my terminal illness, at times like a pus-filled enemy beset with fears and setbacks. The British enemies Joan contended with pale in comparison.

Indeed, in my depths wage intermittent 24/7 wars. Vigilance to prevent these intrusions from scabbing old wounds augments my chronic exhaustion and weakness. Each day’s challenge is to remain steadfast in faith to Creator God who has companioned me for over eighty-five years. That’s a long time to be around, I often tell Him.

Back lit translucent white lit candle with melting wax

You Tube’s three stanzas of the anthem, “Lift Every Voice and Sing” moved me deeply, its one hundred-year-lyrics still sung in Black Churches, in Black History Month seminars, and other events. The anthem’s vision speaks to those willing to listen: a plea for Liberty to the God of silent tears.

The dismal failure of the Civil War Post-Reconstruction in late nineteenth-century America compelled James Weldon Johnson, lawyer, school administrator, prolific writer, and poet in Jacksonville, Florida, to compose these lyrics. Tears flooded him after listening to his brother’s rendering them in the word-painting technique: the melding of images upon the soulful melody in A flat major, often used in spirituals.

“ Lift Every Voice and Sing” was first presented to honor the1900 visit of educator Booker T. Washington to the Black school, Stanton, where Johnson was principal. Those five hundred singers, many becoming teachers, carried the anthem with them, and taught other classrooms, which, in turn, spread this vision of hope.

In 1919, the NAACP proclaimed, “ Lift Every Voice and Sing” the Black National Anthem of America; it also spirited the1960s Civil Rights Movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King.

YouTube carries several versions of this stirring anthem.

At 6:30 A.M., I awoke with this inspiring dream:

A restorative expert invited me to join a mixed group of artists to work with him on an ancient Gothic chapel, fallen in disrepair and almost obscured by the surrounding virgin forest. He provided the necessary scaffolding, tools, the paints and shellac. Tedious work followed on the frescoes and mosaics that had adorned the walls, ceiling, and arches. Imperceptibly, the original Christian motifs s began to reappear and told a different story from the one we were painstakingly removing.

This glimpse into my psyche heartened me. Like the ancient Gothic chapel, fallen in disrepair and almost obscured by the surrounding virgin forest, my spirit-house has grown old, encrusted with scum, distressed. Yet, someone has noticed: A restorative expert, God in disguise, engages a mixed group of artists, symbolic of balanced energies to spruce up the centering room in my psyche as I deepen my end-of life work.

He also provides the necessary scaffolding, tools, the paints and shellac that suggest the sixteen helpful practices in CPA’s Tool Box: meditation, literature, meetings and phone contacts with members, journaling, etc.—all critical for scraping the dross from my spiritual faculties to allow the full emergence of my authentic story. This is a daily task, with no time offs. Setbacks still occur, but,  “Oh well!”—I just begin again until the next one.

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