Step Six of Chronic Pain Anonymous – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

 True, a new Liz was emerging, but my character defects naggled for more work. Despite the relief of their discovery in Step Five, they were not gone, only ensconced in psychic sludge. Again, more Willingness was called upon.

On paper, my moral inventory hosed me with freezing waters, messed with my balance, and stripped me of protective defense mechanisms, ill-suited to living in recovery. I shuddered with the bedrock of whom I had become, its pretense only minimally affixed to life. The imperative of deeper honesty clanged in my psyche. It was about waking up to my new Partner’s help, even more critical because of my end time.

But the easier, softer way of my unconscious had been such a fixture in my life: it evidenced my self-will, my need to control outcomes that generated seven deadly sins and compounded my misery. But remaining in that state was untenable. I would have to change, everything. For this, Acceptance was critical.

In Prayer, another Ingredient, I reviewed my moral inventory and found the entire readiness to change. No longer would I force round pegs of health within square pegs of chronic illness—that no longer worked.

It felt like I was preparing to be born again as I moved toward Step Seven and more help.