Step Three of Chronic Pain Anonymous – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

 This newly discovered Power in Step Two caught my attention. Given the waning energy of my terminal illness, how use or lean into this Power as I moved through each day’s unknown? Step Three’s decision was called for, but I had more work to do.

Again, the Ingredient willingness appeared in Step Three: this time, willingness to give up self-will/self-centeredness. I shuddered. Despite their at-homeness in my psyche, their sacrifice was essential. With their removal, a modicum of humility, another Ingredient, glanced upon my awareness and opened me to a new partnership with Higher Power.

Critical to this process was the invitation to formulate a God of my understanding. Since I’ve never lived in a dying body, I needed help. Especially worrisome was Beast, a toxic god from childhood, which had stagnated my psychosocial/spiritual development and cast doubt upon my CPA recovery.

Yet, Creator God had brought me into this existence fraught with chronic pain and illness, nudged me into hospice, then led me to CPA. After I caught on to the patterning, I learned to surrender my body into His care. He already had my essential being.

The more I practiced Step Three’s daily application, per the Ingredients, the deeper my trust in Higher Power’ care grew. There was still rich life within my limits, despite the sting of flummoxed instincts and dreams alerting me to even deeper disorders within my psyche.

This new empowerment subsequently led to scrutinizing these same disorders and bringing them to Step Four.